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Dared_to_move_873
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Name: Liz Location: Greenville, South Carolina, United States
Interests: "And all of life comes down to just one thing, to know you, oh Jesus, and to make you known" My interest's are: My God and King, who gave His life for me. Learning how to get over myself. Learning how to love life and be content. Seeking beauty in the world around me. Belting out songs at the top of my lungs even though i cant carry a tune. finding crazy poetry to memorize. A good cup of coffe to get my day, and my afternoon, and night going right. Praising my creator for all that He is. Spending time in the Word and learning what it means to be a real follower of Christ, and what that means in my life. Taking hikes in the mountains and inevitably getting lost. I love visiting far away countries and eating any kind of weird and exotic food. Meeting new people. Having a great conversation where the heart is reached. Spending time with the wonderful friends that God has brought in my life.... Expertise: at spilling coffee all over myself. at driving the wrong way up one way streets. And at making a complete fool of myself :-p Occupation: college student Industry: Marketing/Art
Message: message meEmail: email me Website: visit my website AIM: iheartthe9Os
Member Since:
1/16/2004
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| "The Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost."—John 14:26.
HIS age is peculiarly the dispensation of the Holy Spirit, in which Jesus cheers us, not by His personal presence, as He shall do by-and-by, but by the indwelling and constant abiding of the Holy Ghost, who is evermore the Comforter of the church. It is His office to console the hearts of God's people. He convinces of sin; He illuminates and instructs; but still the main part of His work lies in making glad the hearts of the renewed, in confirming the weak, and lifting up all those that be bowed down. He does this by revealing Jesus to them. The Holy Spirit consoles, but Christ is the consolation. If we may use the figure, the Holy Spirit is the Physician, but Jesus is the medicine. He heals the wound, but it is by applying the holy ointment of Christ's name and grace. He takes not of His own things, but of the things of Christ. So if we give to the Holy Spirit the Greek name of Paraclete, as we sometimes do, then our heart confers on our blessed Lord Jesus the title of Paraclesis. If the one be the Comforter, the other is the Comfort. Now, with such rich provision for his need, why should the Christian be sad and desponding? The Holy Spirit has graciously engaged to be thy Comforter: dost thou imagine, O thou weak and trembling believer, that He will be negligent of His sacred trust? Canst thou suppose that He has undertaken what He cannot or will not perform? If it be His especial work to strengthen thee, and to comfort thee, dost thou suppose He has forgotten His business, or that He will fail in the loving office which He sustains towards thee? Nay, think not so hardly of the tender and blessed Spirit whose name is "the Comforter." He delights to give the oil of joy for mourning, and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. Trust thou in Him, and He will surely comfort thee till the house of mourning is closed for ever, and the marriage feast has begun.
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| In two weeks time I will officially have completed all my classes and be ready to head out into the world as an Esthetician, dependent, of course, on my passing state boards in May. What I should be feeling right now is relief, excitement and joy that I made it through this course at the top of my class and with straight A's. I surpassed the hours needed for the program today, two weeks early and already passed both my exit exams. It would appear that I should have a great career ahead of me in the skin care industry and I've been continuously told that I have the touch and skill to do well...so why is it that I once again feel I'm in the wrong career? Am I bound by fear that after May 17th, I am going to have to face "The real world" and find a job and actualy remember and put into practice everything I've learned with paying customers and work to support myself? Am I afraid of rejection, if I'm not what a place is looking for? Am I scared to make the first leap of finding a job and applying? Or is this really another leading of the Lord that this, too, is not my life's purpose?
I have found that during these last 8+ months that I have become consumed with everything monitary. Obsessing over how I will support myself and if I can make enough money to meet all my wants, rather than just my needs. How will I make the most money so I can buy that next vehicle I have my eye on, so I can buy all the clothes I want, so I can alter the things even in my own appearance that I have become so fixated on...all these things constantly run through my mind. Lame. Shallow. I'm embarressed to admit that most of my thought have been on these topics. Sadly, material gain and apparance has so consumed me that I have spent more money and bought more things this year than I ever needed. Impulsive shopping on steroids. As sick as it is, I even try to think of reasons to HAVE to buy something. Grocery's, shoes, school supplies-it doesn't matter. Quite literally, I am completely consumed with shopping and spending money-anything and everything that may be able to momentarily fill the void and distract me from the things that are really on my mind.
The problem is quite simple, I am living in light of the here and now and not with eternity in mind and trying to fill these gaping holes inside of myself with anything I might be able to buy and stuff inside. I think that if I just find and buy the next right thing, I'm going to be happy. Each one of us has our own way of "stuffing the holes." These past two semesters of school, I have spent 7 hours a day, 4-5 days a week with the same 14 females and we've gotten to know eachother quite well. A little Esthetics family, if you will. After all this time together, many of the younger girls have gotten quite comfortable sharing their exploits with all of us and one-upping eachother on their nighttime and weekend activities. What I have seen in most of these classmates is similar to what I see in my self- a hole. They try to fill theirs with one boy after another...and when that one hurts them and lets them down, or they simply get bored, they move on. Me, I know relationships and boys can't fill the gap in my heart, so i've just found another method to the same madness. Many days I've sat in class feeling superior to them because I don't behave in the same way and I "know better" than them and because I'm at a point where I feel like I'm content with singleness and don't want nor need a relationship....but really I'm no different-I just stuff with a different material. Except there is one difference, that I already know the truth of what fills that void so it never needs to be stuffed again. Jesus. Yes, that is the Sunday school answer, but obviously I have not grasped the simple answer's truth, nor is it active in my life...or I wouldn't be so consumed with material things. Things that are simply just "vapors"-fullfilling in one moment and a letdown the next. So, if I know this, why is it not applied and working in my life? I wish I knew. Maybe, I do. Maybe it's because I am still avoiding God and hiding from Him....yikes.
Lately, My mom and I's conversations have mostly been centered on the fact of how hard-hearted I think I have become and how little God's Word seems to mean to me and the lack of scripture and sermon penetration to my heart. It's been a scary thing because I've even wondered if I am even 'saved" or not. Thankfully, God has placed mentors in my life who have pointed to and reminded me that the very fact that I am worried about the state of my heart is a sign of His grace and sanctification working in my heart. Whew. But still, that doesn't answer nor alleviate the problem.
Mom, plus God working in my own heart, have revealed to me that I may be feeling this hard heartedness because there are things in my life I am still holding onto and haven't forgiven, though I thought I had a long time ago. I've been praying about this now for a few weeks, that God would give me the gift of forgiveness and letting go of all these things I've let build up inside me. We carry around these bitternesses and unforgivnesses like luggage--like we were walking around all day, every day, with a few bowling balls in our purses and these things eat us up from the inside out. No good. What does complete forgiveness and letting go look like? I certainly need to find out and I know His word holds the key.
On top of dealing with this likely unforgiveness issue in multiple areas of my life, I realized another reason haven't wanted to be close to God (though my soul certainly has been crying out for Him) is because of shame. I feel like these areas of unforgivness and the shame I feel are probably linked together. The past few years in my life I have sinned and done many things I never thought I would do, and while I know that God has forgiven me, I don't grasp that fact in the least bit. I live in light of my sins, instead of the light that I have been forgiven and grace upon grace has been bestowed on me-a perspective I must have. That is the reality of salvation-Christ bearing my sins, paying for them and then His perfectness and rightousness replacing my record. That knowledge should give me abounding joy! Instead of keeping my eyes focused on Him, I have been instead looking at myself and my unworthiness. Refocus! I don't need to bear the burdon and live in shame for what I've done, because it has been forgiven, wiped away and sent as far away as the east is from the west, which in it's entirety is a gift So amazing, I can't comprehend it. Thank you, Jesus!
Anyway, I had a point in bringing all this up. Esthetics for me has been a doorway that I have used to microinspect myself, keep my eyes focused on myself and what's wroing with me and remind me of all my imperpections and what I don't have. I've warped what could be an awesome thing into something bad because of where my focus was. Um...oops! All the fashion magazines and makeup books and even some classmates I have used to fuel my fire and need to fill the holes in myself that are there because I've been "hiding" from God. I enjoy esthetics-learning about the incredible body that God designed and how it works so intricatly and so perfectly and how He designed things in creation to remedy the problems that arise in our skin and bodies. It has displayed what an AWESOME God He is. The problem hasn't been esthetics, but rather, me.
So this brings me to my real point. I enjoy esthetics, but I don't love it. My thoughts about it, especially during this last semester, have just been how I can use it to get all the material things I want and how to work it to make the most money. Not because I wanted to do something I really was passionate about or loved to do-though there have been many days that I have "loved" it. This has been on the back of my mind for a while, but as I have been planning to go back to school in the fall (since I have nothing else big in my life right now) and as I have planned out a job for the summer, I realized that was devistating me most was that I was going to have to give up all the kids I watch. Literally, it brought me to tears. What has brought me the most joy in life in this last year is the kids I watch and photography. God has blessed me with a bunch of awesome familys to work for and endeared these kids to my heart. I love Kids-thats just how it is. Seeing my life ahead of me as being "kid-free" unless I happen to get married has just been a thought I couldn't bear. Obviously, this brings up the thought of whether I'm in the right career or not, so I am spending some serious time thinking and praying and researching what my opportunities may be. Since it is getting down to the time to register for fall classes, it appears I will either be pursuing a degree in nursing, which will enhance what I can do in esthetics or, on the opposite spectrum, I'll be going to school so I can do therapy with autistic children. Woah. I am both scared and excited to see where God will lead me and what's going to happen in the next few weeks....but really beyond the school deal, my first priority has got to be getting my focus and my heart set on Him and asking Him to work all kinds of things in my heart-especially to love Him most of all and break this steel-y heart of mine. I've got to seek Him cause, Life is a vapor and only what's done for Christ will last and I certainly don't want to waste my little vapor-esque life anymore than I already have.
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| "My heart is like wax; it is melted in the midst of my bowels."—Psalm 22:14. UR blessed Lord experienced a terrible sinking and melting of soul. "The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity, but a wounded spirit who can bear?" Deep depression of spirit is the most grievous of all trials; all besides is as nothing. Well might the suffering Saviour cry to His God, "Be not far from me," for above all other seasons a man needs his God when his heart is melted within him because of heaviness. Believer, come near the cross this morning, and humbly adore the King of glory as having once been brought far lower, in mental distress and inward anguish, than any one among us; and mark His fitness to become a faithful High Priest, who can be touched with a feeling of our infirmities. Especially let those of us whose sadness springs directly from the withdrawal of a present sense of our Father's love, enter into near and intimate communion with Jesus. Let us not give way to despair, since through this dark room the Master has passed before us. Our souls may sometimes long and faint, and thirst even to anguish, to behold the light of the Lord's countenance: at such times let us stay ourselves with the sweet fact of the sympathy of our great High Priest. Our drops of sorrow may well be forgotten in the ocean of His griefs; but how high ought our love to rise! Come in, O strong and deep love of Jesus, like the sea at the flood in spring tides, cover all my powers, drown all my sins, wash out all my cares, lift up my earth-bound soul, and float it right up to my Lord's feet, and there let me lie, a poor broken shell, washed up by His love, having no virtue or value; and only venturing to whisper to Him that if He will put His ear to me, He will hear within my heart faint echoes of the vast waves of His own love which have brought me where it is my delight to lie, even at His feet for ever. | | |
| My heart breaks for you and yours tonight. I can't even imagine...
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| AHHHH, GOD IS SOOOOO GOOD!!!!!
These last two days I have finally, finally felt happy!!
Like smile on your face, cant help but let the joy burst forth kind of happiness. The kind I haven't felt in a long, long time.
I almost forgot what joy and happiness felt like....and Oh, it is sweet!
"If you're happy and you know it clap your hands" *clap, clap*
Oh, Happiness!!!!!!!!!
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