Name:Liz Country:United States State:South Carolina Metro:Greenville
Interests:"And all of life comes down to just one thing, to know you, oh Jesus, and to make you known" My interest's are: My God and King, who gave His life for me. Learning how to get over myself. Learning how to love life and be content. Seeking beauty in the world around me. Belting out songs at the top of my lungs even though i cant carry a tune. finding crazy poetry to memorize. A good cup of coffe to get my day, and my afternoon, and night going right. Praising my creator for all that He is. Spending time in the Word and learning what it means to be a real follower of Christ, and what that means in my life. Taking hikes in the mountains and inevitably getting lost. I love visiting far away countries and eating any kind of weird and exotic food. Meeting new people. Having a great conversation where the heart is reached. Spending time with the wonderful friends that God has brought in my life.... Expertise:at spilling coffee all over myself. at driving the wrong way up one way streets. And at making a complete fool of myself :-p Occupation:college student Industry:Marketing/Art
Despite all my ramblings of late, I have a lot to be thankful for( and always have, I just neglect to SEE it). While God's goodness is an ever present standard, I noticed it today more than most.
1. I found out that I got a 100! on the hardest test I have taken so far this semester-a test I thought I surely had failed after hours of studying...but no, I aced it!
2. My teacher, who never dishes out compliments, but is rather blunt and confrontational, told me that I am going to succeed in this field and that I am going to be a great esthetician. I was shocked and I definitely do not take that compliment lightly.
3. My teacher put off a product order, after specifically saying it would be placed today with no exceptions, because I forgot to get the check from mom this morning and would be late for work if I had gone to pick it up after class. I was yet again amazed because this does not normally happen.
4. I watched a car accident happen today and praised God that it was not me, and remembered that its been almost 3!! years since I've been in an accident. He protected me the whole time I haven't had health insurance and not only was I not in any accidents, but I haven't needed to go to the doctor ONCE in two years!!! Which, has been the complete opposite of my entire life-when I basically LIVED at the doctors office.
5. I have the most amazing job, with the best family, who are wonderfully kind and understanding and treat me as part of the family...and I've been blessed with that same relationship with all the families I babysit/nanny for. I love my job, which is a wonderful thing after the mess of the one I used to have.
6. I have two of the most amazingly adorable puppies anyone has ever seen, so cute I cannot go anywhere with them without being stopped! and they are behaving so well and I am amazed at how fast they are learning and how smart they are for only 10 weeks old!
7. I have parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles and friends who are there for me no matter what and will be there. Parents who help me take the puppies to potty in the freezing, pouring rain and help me clean up the messes that they make. Neighbors who love my puppies as much as we do and come over to help us out with them when we're gone. Family who come and take walks with us and are patient with the puppies learning to be leash trained. ....ahh, there are a million things!
8. Studying for a job that I am pretty sure I already really love.
9. Spurgeon's writings because they make me want to fall more in love with Jesus and The Word and on the other hand make me see the total extent of my depravity. They're helped me gain a much, much better understanding of the Word and life in general and how God works in our lives. A-maz-ing
10. I have heat in my car--and it is the most wonderful things in the world.
11. The puppies are finally sleeping through the night!!!! HALLELUJAH!
So I know I have a multitude of other things to be thankful for, but its after midnight and I'm exhausted so I've already forgotten most of the things I was thankful for...um, OOPS! I guess I still need to be working on having a thankful heart, eh?
I am battling to set/focus my eyes on what's ahead, but the past is always apart of us (like having the rear view mirror so we can check whats behind us to prevent accidents and uninformed moves)...I suppose it's what we do with it that makes the difference, as well as how we trust what the God knows the future has set before us.
I'm not totally there, but I am putting one foot in front of the other and that's what today calls for anyway. Trusting God for what He sets before us for today-because He provides enough grace for what He will place before us each day.
While I want and desire to completely trust and not live my life in the rear view mirror, I feel like this:
"cause i struggle with forward motion i struggle with forward motion we all struggle with forward motion cause forward motion is harder than it sounds"
Thankfully, while I still have all these emotions battling inside me, I'm not having to do any of this alone. And what a comfort that is.
I know, without a doubt, that God has a plan for my life and that He is working in me in so many areas, and that He is faithful and He is good--but I would have thought all of this would have been easier by now and that I wouldn't ache as much. I thought it would have dulled a little bit. I guess I haven't really learned to let go yet, or I'm not really trusting Him, or...I've just got more to learn and grow. I don't know...but I do know that my whole brain and heart and mind seem to be so singularly stuck on all of this, still, and I really don't know how to let go and trust what God has ahead of me and how to stop all this acheing and hurt inside of me and I don't know how to stop thinking and refocus my brain. It's getting rediculous, some days I feel like one of those mental patients that pines away and never gets herself together and get over whatever has happened in her life...and I don't want to be like that. I know there is an a bundance of reasons for joy and happiness in my life, and yet can't seem to focus on them or have joy and happiness. And that is pretty messed up. While I don't want to forget the past and while it is hard to get myself together and move on, I know I can't live in the past and sustain myself on good memories...I know that I have to trust God and His plan and that there IS good ahead of me, as well as right now. Some days I feel like I am totally falling apart, and then I know that I'm relying on myself and my pride and I can see how unthankful and selfish I am-only focusing on misery and the past and pineing away for things lost and undone...and I cannot live like this. It's not healthy and it's not pleaseing to God and I'm sure its getting pretty annoying to everyone around me. Ok so I still love/care for someone who is now my past, but for me to keep letting what is now the past control my present is not how I am supposed to live. It doesn't mean I cant love/care for someone who has now a part of my past, but I cannot keep living my life looking in the rear view mirror because that's pretty much begging for an accident. Driving a car with eyes focused on whats behing you leaves you vulerable and a crash will come at somepoint, without a doubt. And life is like that too-if I continue living my life with my eyes glued on what has transpired, on what was lost, on what I no longer have-ie the past, I am going to have a crash in my present life in some way shape or form. It's stupid for me to live like this when I know it's unhealthy and its not doing any good. Its like having dinner in front of me but not eating it because I want to remember the great dinner I ate last week, even though I'm totally in pain right now from not eating. It just doesn't make sense. Things happen in life, things we don't like, things that hurt, we loose people we love, we miss people we no longer see...but to live life in a box of pineing for the past is wasting life. It's not glorifying to God because its wasting the precious time He's given me, and because it's saying that I know better than He does what is good for me-which I obviously and totally do not.
I feel like I've been living my life as a zombie these last few months. First the pain was sharp enough to keep me in the present-or something like that, but when it dulled a little I seemed to slip into this stupid depressed, zombie like state-out of touch with reality and the present. I'm tired of feeling and living like this-feeling like my brain is on overload because I'm soley focusing on one thing that keeps me saddened, and then keeping myself introverted from the rest of the world and not living life. It's a weird state to be in, this crazy zombieness, and I don't really know how to completely explain how it's made me feel. I just know that it's effects cause me to pull away from the present, pull away from people, be reserved and quiet and selfinvolved and selfish, so focused on myself that I start feeling like I care about nothing. This is NOT the life that God has for me!!! I am alive to live life to the fullest-in the sense that I should be enjoying this world and life that He has given me, but all the while pursing Him and His goodness. Meditating on His mercy and grace and praising Him for all He has done-which is a heck of a lot. so what if I'm alone, so what if I'm lonley, so what if I have a lot of alone time so what if I don't have a lot of close friends right now-that is no excuse for me to spend all my time feeling sorry for myself and wishing my life was different. I have LIFE, I have been given a great life--I'm not some kid sold off to slavery, I'm not living in an impoverished country where I have to beg for food just to survive. I'm not alone in this world-I have a family. I am not jobless, I am not hopeless, I am not dying. I have much to be thankful for and I have free time that I should STOP waseting. God obviously has ordained and planned all this free time and lonliness in my life right now for a purpose, and I need to use the time He has given me wisely and actually live it away from my room, and my thoughts and voila, my computer. Instead of living life, I have been AVOIDINGit!!! And that has got to STOP!
Also-I need to refocus myself and look at and look for all the good things and all the blessings that are in my life right now...like my puppies, who are definitely a blessing because I'd be pretty lonely without them and definitely not as entertained. And the kids I babysit, who are a riot....and the fact that I get paid to play with kids all day long-that is pretty awesome in and of it's self! And I have heat in my car now, which I cannot ever take for granted again.
Ok, time to work on refocusing myself and stopping this selfish commiserating and these sad/depressed feelings that seem to consume me. Life is too short for me to live it like this, God has plans for me and I'm wasteing away the time and life He has given me feeling sorry for myself and wishing things were different...I'm pretty much being an idiot and I don't want to be anymore! God has given me life and He has promised abundant life, in Him, and that's what I need to spend my time seeking and have my thoughts on! It's time to crawl out of this zombie suit and see the light of glorious day and actually LIVE!
God has poured out blessings this weekend! He is so good, why do i ever doubt him and what he's doing?
I have a brand new puppy-a 7 week old cocker spaniel, whom I named Riley in honor of Dugan (Dugan's middle name was o'Riley).
Mom fell so much in love with my puppy that she decided she wanted to get the other one...so now we have TWO little tiny baby dogs in our house and they are such a joy! It is impossible to be unhappy while watching them or holding them. I think they are bringing joy back to all of us, which was just what we needed. They are certainly a blessing from God, because they basically dropped in our laps. I've been looking on Craig's list for cocker spaniel puppies ever since Dugan passed away, since it was the only way I could get my mind off how much I missed him and how much it hurt, but I couldn't find cocker puppies anywhere in SC, NC or GA! I finally found a cocker/basset mix that looked SO much like dugan, but it had white feet and when I emailed the lady about her puppy, I told her about dugan and she wrote me back that her friend was selling pure bred cocker puppies. So, Sunday morning I called the lady and she only had two left, boys, and she was at the jockey lot selling them. She told me she would hold them for me and let me choose...so that evening we all loaded up in Leo's truck and drove out to the boonies to meet her and get our new puppy.
Both of the boys are so beautiful! They look almost identical, but one is a little bit smaller than the other, and their facial markings are a smudge different. I just can't get over God's goodness is basically bringing these dogs to us. They are perfect!
"I know, O Lord, that Your judgments are just, and that in faithfulness You have afflicted me." Psalm 119:75
Sometimes the ways of God do seem hard. Our fondest hopes are crushed; our fairest joys fade like summer flowers; the desires of our hearts are withheld from us.
Yet, if we are God's children, we believe that a blessing is hidden in every one of these losses or denials. Right here, we get a glimpse into the mystery of many unanswered prayers. The things we seek, would not work good for us in the end--but evil. The things we plead to have removed--are essential to our highest interests.
Health is supposed to be better than sickness--but there comes a time when God's kindness will be most wisely shown--by denying us health. He never takes pleasure in causing us to suffer; He is touched by our sorrows. Yet He loves us too well, to give us things that would harm us, or to spare us the trial that is needful for our spiritual good. It will be seen in the end, that many of the very richest blessings of all our lives--have come to us through God's denials, His withholdings, or His shattering of our hopes and joys.
We should never forget that the object of all of God's dealings with His children--is to sanctify us, and make us vessels fit for His use. To this high and glorious end, our present pleasure and gratification must ofttimes be sacrificed. This is the true key to all the mysteries of Providence. Anything that hinders entire consecration to Christ, is working us harm; and though it be our tenderest joy, it is best that it be taken away.
Prayer is not always granted, even when the heart clings with holiest affection to its most precious joy. Nothing must hinder our consecration. We should never think first of what will give us earthly joy or comfort--but of what will fit us for doing the Master's service.
Pain is often better for us--than pleasure; loss is often better for us--than gain; sorrow is often better for us--than joy; disaster is often better for us--than deliverance.
Faith should know that God's withholdings from us, when He does not give what we ask--are richer blessings than were He to open to us all His treasure-houses at whose doors we stand and knock with so great vehemence. Our unanswered prayers have just as real and as blessed answer--as those which bring what we seek.
